Challenging Behaviours
When children bite, hit, or start to kick and scream in the grocery store, parents can find it very unsettling. A deep breath may be your first step. Keep reminding yourself that children are learning how to behave in acceptable ways. Their challenging behaviours are often a sign of their developmental level rather than spite.
One way to deal with challenging behaviours is to prevent them. But there may be times when your child behaves in ways that will challenge your patience despite all your best efforts. Your child is working on building the skills they need to control their behaviour.
How you discipline or teach your child will depend on your child’s age, stage of development, temperament, and many other factors. It is important when you are taking that deep breath to remind yourself that your child’s behaviour may be appropriate for their age and level of development.
Here are some tips:
- You may have heard that “play is the work of a child.” It is through play that your child will learn language skills, how to take turns, rules, cooperation and much more. These skills all lead to helping your child cope with their emotions and to express how they feel in positive ways. Check out some of these suggestions for play with your child.
- It’s tough when your child refuses to listen, but how you respond may help to calm things down or may make them worse. Your child’s brains are still developing, so even if they know the rules, they may struggle to manage their emotions and actions. This takes time, patience, and practice. If you assume they’re acting out on purpose, it can lead to more frustration. By remaining calm and recognizing they’re still learning, you’re teaching them how to handle tough moments—and setting a good example. Some further information about your approach to dealing with challenging behaviours are found here.
- Redirection—switching from one activity to another—works well with toddlers and some older children.
- When you redirect your child, be sure to explain with words what you don’t want them to do and why.
- Apply clear consequences for your child’s actions that relate to the behaviour. For example, if your preschooler intentionally throws food on the floor, make sure they help you clean up the mess. When the mess is cleaned up, the consequence is over. If your child is old enough, you may want to discuss other ways to express what they are feeling.
- You can take away a privilege when there isn’t a clear consequence. For young children, this must happen right away. For example, a four-year-old child is excited to go swimming, but the child in front of them is not moving fast enough, so they push that child into the pool. The parent takes the child away from the pool, explains that they must wait their turn and that pushing people is not acceptable and is hurtful. The next day, they go back to the pool, and the parent reminds the child of the expectations.
- Solving problems helps your child learn about the consequences of their actions. Allow your child to help find a solution to misbehaviour, and they will be more likely to make it happen.